Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Songs that Always Make Me Want to Cry

"I Don't Love You" - My Chemical Romance
"Ghost of You" - My Chemical Romance
"Cold As You" - Taylor Swift
"Travelin' Soldier" - Dixie Chicks
"Endlessly, She Said" - AFI
"Wake Up, Open the Door, and Escape to the Sea" - Blaqk Audio
"Hurt" - Christina Aguilera
"What It's Like" - Everlast
"You Were Meant for Me" - Jewel
"Hands Held High" - Linkin Park
"She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5
"Soulmate" - Natasha Bedingfield
"Gotta Have You" - The Weepies
"Nobody's Home" - Avril Lavigne
"Someone to Watch Over Me" - Ella Fitzgerald
"Dreaming With a Broken Heart" - John Mayer

Sunday, August 17, 2008


I finally figured out what Renesmee reminds me of. Took me long enough, but here it is:

Yes, a female Stewie. And I did that Photoshop picture myself, by the way.

Steal it, I don't care. Just let people know about my blog, would you?

And...let the raving begin.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


It started out with me coming out of the high school, since it was the last day of school. I was saying goodbye to everyone, and all the seniors were there with autograph books. It was kind of sad...but I went to get on the bus, and just before I got on, I look to the right and see Kyle, this senior I had a crush all of my freshman year. He says 'hi' and gets on MY bus. I check to make sure I'm riding the right bus (I am) and get on. I'm carrying a prom dress for some reason, which I drop halfway down the aisle and have to go pick up. I sit in the back in the seat across from Kyle. We talk, but then I go to daydreaming out the window.

This is where my dream got seriously FREAKY.

I must've fallen asleep in my dream, because I was dreaming then. In my dream in my dream, the whole thing played out like a movie. The word "Bree" came up on the screen. Yes; it was the Bree from 'Eclipse'. A little girl with blonde hair walks into the high school, which is now vacant. There is an ominous green light inside. Then a little girl with black hair wearing a red shirt walks out. She doesn't look happy.

Suddenly, I'm inside this world, and it's not a dream inside a dream anymore. It's real for me, or at least, it's real for the dream. I'm on the front field of my high school; Bree is gone. There is one van waiting for me, I walk toward it, then turn away because it's not my mom. My mom comes, and I get in the car. I'm freaking out, because out of the window of the van I saw a face. I scream when I look to the right and see Bree standing there. I tell my mother to drive. She wants to pick up the little girl because she looks lost. She looks to the right, but Bree is no longer standing there. Bree has teleported out in front of our car. Mom now realizes that this is not just a little girl, so she drives. She would've run over Bree, but Bree teleports away. I think I am rid of her, but I keep seeing the face along the road. I scream every time.

Then my dream changes page again. Poof! I'm in this room with my best friend's mom, Tammy. Tammy knows about Bree, and she says, "You're not rid of her yet."Bree and her mother walk around the corner. Tammy and I are forced to do everything the two want. We can't not do it.

So the end wasn't so freaky. But the middle was way friggin CREEPY.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mommaaaaaaa. I don't WANNA.

Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed at the fact that your life can go so many different ways? I could do almost anything I set my mind to, and yet I choose to be a writer. I have no crystal ball, no clairvoyance, so for all I know being a writer will screw up my life and I should go with being a pharmacist. All I know is that I want to command my future, and I don't want to do the same thing every day. I'd rather be like Stephenie Meyer, stay-at-home-mom/icon. I'd rather have the choice to be creative and have fun in my life.

And I'd like to be able to be known without being known. I wanna be Sarah Dessen, not Stephenie Meyer. Is that too much to ask?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

My Story

I've been working on this story for about two months now. The first chapter is more or less finished, as is the epilogue, but now I'm absolutely STUCK. I know where I need to go with this story, I just can't figure out how to GET there. It's frustrating!!!

That's really all I came to say. I have no other comments. I'm just pissed that I have no idea where to take this. It's a love story, and I've never been in love, so that kind of puts a damper on any love aspects....


UPDATE: I wrote more! Writer's block banished!!!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Funky Mood

I'm in this kind of a mood where I:

  1. Don't want to talk to people who will just try to change my mind about what I already am concrete about.
  2. Feel like dancing, but don't feel like cleaning my room so said dancing can take place
  3. Am pissed at the world, and don't know why
  4. Feel like I have accomplished nothing all day
  5. Just feel like crap, mentally
  6. Feel disappointed in my life
  7. Wish so bad that I could just find something to fill this void I've been feeling lately
  8. Could stop having all these thoughts running through my mind
A note on #8: I haven't been thinking in complete sentences. My thoughts have been pictures, not words. This hardly ever happens. I'm a writer, so naturally my thoughts are either written or spoken, but my current thoughts are pictures. I'll try to show you what I'm seeing:


Friday, August 8, 2008

And all I want is to rock your soul...

I'm at my neighbor's house. We're pretty much doing the usual. Nothing. Exciting, right? I thought so. And now she is dancing awkward around the room to "Rock Your Soul" by Elisa. Oh. Sorry. She says it's not awkward. Just random. I'm over here waaaaaaaaaay too's quite sad...I have nothing to're going to see "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2" tonight. Cool, huh?

And wow. This conversation has taken quite a strange turn...

I'd like to give a shout-out to Chaotic Cass, who said that she would check this site out. Now if only she holds true to her word.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

SYTYCD RESULTS! And my boring life...

So things are going okay, I guess. Been watching a lot of TV. Psh. Like there's anything better to do. Yesterday, I watched Gilmore Girls for several straight hours, followed by America's Got Talent! and then Legally Blonde--my mother's first viewing, to be exact. That evening I sat by my television faithfully to watch the final voting episode of a certain episode that will be revealed in exactly 26 words...Today? Well, a little less, because I was on the computer a lot today. I watched this afternoon's Gilmore Girls, and tonight I watched the So You Think You Can Dance finale. Oh, yes, this reminds me...



While I thought Chelsie was an incredible partner dancer, her solos lacked compared to the others. And while this doesn't matter all the time, in the end, you are judged on how you performed, not how you and your partner performed. Also, I believe she only got that far because everyone was still basking in the glory of her "Bleeding Love" dance. Which, yes, still makes my beat skip a beat.


Comfort was, of course, the best female hip-hop dancer hands down. She put all her passion into that genre, making many of her other dances sub-par at best. However, after she was reinstated in the competition when Jessie fractured some ribs, I believe she really pulled it together. When she was voted off, the second time, I think she left when honor and pride, more so than when she left previously.


Oh my Edward Cullen. Nearly every dance that Courtney did was incredible to me, including the first dance I ever saw, "Lost". She put her heart and soul into the dance, and even though she wasn't the most technical dancer by a long shot, she was my favorite. I think she is adorable and passionate and skilled. I could've sworn she was a contemporary dancer, so I was shocked to find she was a jazz dancer in the end!


Gev. Poor poor Gev. =[ I was so so sad when he went home, because I always thought his solos were the BEST. He left it all on the dance floor, and was an amazing B-Boy, no like a know a lot, you know, but STILL. It especially helped that he was Courtney's partner, so he was there on that first episode I watched where they performed "Lost".

Why did that write out as a hyperlink? Where does it lead? =/

Anyways, I though Katee should've won the show. She was the most technical dancer out of the top four, and she was just so fun and energetic. I was very shocked when Katee did not win. I would've voted for her, but when I asked my brother what the number was, he's like, "1-866-TEMPO-0?". But noooo. It's not 866. It's 888. =[ Katee's amazing, and I think Joshua brought out the best in her, though that dance with Will was pretty good, too. Not as good, just pretty good.


There was all this hype about how good Kherington was, but I only remember three GREAT performances, a few good ones, and a lot of really bad ones. That two step number? And the jazz one? GAH. She was a great ballerina, but I don't know. Something about her just never quite 'clicked' for me.

MARK: <3

Ah, Mark. Fit to say that he left while in the Top 6, because I think that's exactly where he fit. I loved Mark's personality and style. I actually hope my future who-I'm-meant-to-be-with-forever has a little bit of Mark in him, because Mark is so talented, but strange too. He's just so cool and weird but PERFECT. I have to admit that I have a little thing for him. =]


He wasn't really my favorite, but he really stepped it up when he got to about the Top 8. Starting blowing me away, in fact. I looooved the dance he did with Joshua on the voting finale. INSANE. I could never do that. If you did not watch that, I strongly suggest you go hunt it down and watch it. He's incredible for a street dancer. Hell, he's incredible for ANYONE.


Will was by far the most techincal boy. He blew me away every time, but looking back, I realize that his performances lacked soul sometimes. I believe that he could've won very easily if the Chris Daugh try Syndrome had not happened to him, but I am very glad of who DID win. Loved the Adam and Eve thing, though.


Though I fully looooove Mark, I definitely love Joshua too. He was just so good at everything he did, and he and Katee had such chemistry onstage. I screamed, "YES!" when he won! I was so excited!

Sorry for the concise-ness, but I was supposed to be off the computer five minutes ago, so BYE!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Giving in to the cold caress of 12 AM...

I'm in one of those moods where I'm just kind of like bleh. It's that time of the evening for me when my mind begins to spill open like a cup with too much water. My thoughts go everywhere. My eyes want to shut, but I refuse to allow them to do so. Everything feels good, but very very bad all at the same time. Life wants to end, to quiet itself so no one can disturb you in your more vulnerable time. It's like an open diary behind glass, trying to protect itself from the world's waiting eyes, but failing miserably.

Today felt lost. It's like, I did all these things, but still, I did nothing. I did homework. I did my Bible study. I went to the fair. But it felt robotic, like there was no feeling in any of it.

I feel myself changing, kind of. I used to be super talkative, hyper, and happy. I used to be so, so willing to share my thoughts with anyone who will listen. "How do you feel right now?" someone would ask. "I feel GREAT!" I would respond very truthfully. "What are you thinking about?" someone would pry. And I'd plunge into a deep description. But now it's different. "What are you thinking?" "Nothing," I lie, because I don't want to explain the truth. "How are you feeling?" "Fine," I'll respond, because that one word is easier to say than the truth, that I'm feeling such a hodge-podge rush of emotions that I sometimes cannot even properly pin down my feelings. It's personal, and people get so offended when you simply don't want to tell them those personal thoughts. Why, though? My feelings and thoughts are my own. There are no mind-readers out there who can penetrate my mind and force me to explain every emotion, thought, or detail of my life. And I'm quite thankful for that.

And sometimes, I believe I can mind-read myself. I get this feeling like something's going to happen, and though my inferences are not always right on, they kind of are close. Last night, I thought, "Something big will happen tomorrow." Today, I go on a Ferris Wheel for the first time. A BIG ONE. So maybe that's not quite mind-reading, but it felt big to me. Another time, I thought, "I feel like I'm going to walk away from this experience with a new crush." And I did. Sometimes I think I know what someone will say before the words leave their mouth. Sometimes I'm scary right.

But maybe I just have a good grasp on human nature.

I fell in love with this new song. It's very innovative, and I listen to it at least 20 times a day. The song can be heard here.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

My Opinions of "Breaking Dawn"



I, of course, bought the Eclipse Special Edition, hoping that that first chapter would be a signal that good things will coming. This chapter went back to its roots. In Eclipse, you were on the edge of your seat with wonder as to what happens in Seattle that's so significant. In New Moon, you couldn't wait to see whether someone would bite Bella and she would turn vamp right there and then. But, in Twilight, at least you were wondering what was up with this Edward Cullen dude. In Breaking Dawn, you're just bored. The wedding scene slightly picks up, but then the honeymoon scene. GAH. I didn't really like it. It seemed dumb to me, the way they did it. And then it seemed like Bella turned into a sex fiend afterward. Even the quote of the day "Why am I covered in feathers?" turned into not being as funny as it could have been. There wasn't much funny about any part of this book, maybe just a couple parts. Not nearly as witty as its predecessors.

Then it splits into parts! We end the first part with a desperate call to Rosalie, because, guess what! Bella's pregnant! Yes, indeedy-o, folks! Pregnant! All those times you reviewed a FanFiction story saying, "This can't happen! Stephenie Meyer says it can't!" Well, she lied. The whole first part actually reads a lot like a FanFiction story. Don't get me wrong! If you put this on, you would definitely like it! But I've read so many Bella-pregnant stories that it seemed like I'd already read Breaking Dawn Part One.

Part Two gets better. This isn't from Bella's perspective. It's from Jacob's. Now, when Stephenie plunged us into Jacob's POV in Eclipse, it felt awkward because you were soooooo used to reading from Bella's perspective. This time, watching Jacob's perspective is appreciated after the annoyance Bella has been to me. He supplies good sarcasm, good ideas, and is just a good person. However, Bella still managed to get on my nerves in this section. Stephenie did something that's purely FanFiction material: she stole lines from a TV show! You never do that! It annoyed me to no end! And Rosalie! GOD! The only thing she cares about is Bella's baby, even though that baby is killing her from the inside out. She pissed me off too. And Alice wasn't even there! This whole section could've been much worse if told from Bella's perspective, but since it's from Jacob, it's OK.

Part Three really picks up. FINALLY Edward changes her. Everthing's just as you expect it to be: Bella is hardly tempted by human blood, Edward loves her, the Volturi come. So, there's a couple twists, I guess. The Volturi just come to kill Bella's daughter, because they think she is an immortal child. And Jacob finally imprints! On who? Bella's DAUGHTER. OME.

So, basically? Breaking Dawn? A 700 page long FanFiction.

Sorry Twi-hards.

Sorry Stephenie Meyer. Sincerely and completely.

Let's hope the next thing we're waiting for, The Twilight Movie, will be better, because I didn't like it.

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Friday, August 1, 2008

A Letter I'll Never Send

Dear J.D.B.,

I cannot say that what I did to screw up our friendship was not stupid. I cannot say that I can think of a reason that can fully apologize for my mistake. I cannot say that I don't regret it. I hate that it screwed up our friendship, I wish I could find you so I can apologize, and it's the one thing in my life that I regret.

I live with a notion that every action we take is extremely important. Every misstep, mistake, and misunderstanding leaves us to pick up the pieces. Every bad idea is one more chance to learn. This is the only thing I can look back on that I regret. Yes, I regret not voting for Danny Noriega a lot more in American Idol so he would've had a fair chance, but I regret this millions of times more. Danny Noriega didn't affect my life. You did.

Everyone always said they hated you. Everyone always complained that you were unfair, unorganized, and inappropriate. I agreed with the first two fully, but I don't think you were inappropriate. You simply wanted a connection with us, so when you told us that we were in your dreams, we construed it as creepy but you us wanted to know that we were there. Dreams are simply you're mind's way of sorting things out, not your mind showing you your deepest desires. So the dreams were not creepy, just there. It's as simple as that. They were there.

And guess what, man? Breaking Dawn, the fourth book in the Twilight Saga that you so despised, is coming out tonight. I will be there at the party, and as I read and reread it, I will most likely think of you. Would you have heard the ending to this one thousands of times as well? Would you have been sick of it even though you'd never read it?

I've got to say that I wish I could see you again. While I know this is irrational and, above all, impossible, but I wish things had gone differently. I wish I was not a fifteen-year-old prone to peer pressure. I wish I could change what I did so everything would be okay.

But I don't think I'll ever be able to find you. And even if I do, will you still speak to me? Will you accept my apology? Will you feel too awkward to even try to forge a relationship?

You left without word. So this is my word, my explosion of inner thoughts and feelings that will forever be contained beneath a calm mask of composure. This is me. And I'm sorry 'me' screwed up.

Alyson May