Sunday, January 18, 2009

I am human.

I try very hard to act more mature than what my age group typically does. I usually do not conform to the term 'teenager'. I am not reckless. I am not hormone-driven. I am shy and rational and see past the ways of my peers.

But that doesn't mean that I'm not still insecure.

I look at other girls and feel fat and ugly and clumsy. Now, I know for one thing I am far from fat, and not really ugly, per se, but I am clumsy. I am not going to even try to defend that one.

I am also extremely prone to jealousy. I walk down the halls and see couples coupling and I just kind of feel this annoyance building within...such an annoyance that I really would like to grip their necks in my hands and squeeze the life out of them.

Not that I would do this, however. Shy, remember?

But, yeah, look close enough at my shoulder and you'll see a little green beast perched there quite frequently. I am jealous of people who can dance. I am jealous of people who are in love, because I haven't figured out how to be that yet. I am jealous of girls who say the right thing, and be the right person.

I guess I shouldn't care...No, I really shouldn't. But it is kind of heartbreaking, sometimes, how obvious my faults are.

And now, to show what triggered it all. A lame Disney movie. "Another Cinderella Story". I liked it. But this part here made my heart squeeze painfully:

(please excuse the Spanish subtitle. I couldn't find the screenshot without it...)