I'm in a strange mood. One of those sad, bittersweet moods where you think about your life and what it entails and what you wish it would entail and what you're lucky. It started when I started talking to a friend, and that reminded me of another friend who got in a bit of a spot and is now facing jail time. (Don't comment me with questions or comments on that subject - for privacy of all involved, I will not say any more)
Basically now I'm thinking about how my life is good but sucks at the same time. It's good because I have such great friends and I like all my classes - excluding one major exception - and basically nothing is wrong. My classes are hard, but I like a challenge. My life requires much homework, but I don't dislike homework. Music has colored my life like I never thought possible (basically there are very few hours of my day not dotted with music; silence is so LOUD).
The 'sucks' part is hard to explain and has been enforced by several different occurrences in my life. Part of it is my lack of a boyfriend. I'm the kind of person who never really minds being alone - as much as I love people, there's nothing like sitting alone in your bedroom - but sometimes it gets tiresome. A part of me so wants someone to go do things with on Saturday night and someone to feel my heart ache for when we're apart and someone to kiss on the dance floor during Homecoming. Most of all, I want this person to be someone who I really WANT, not just someone there because. This is my biggest problem.
I'm at the moment where I'm so tired of my surroundings. I like my life, but it's too familiar. It's like listening to the same song too many times or running a flat, straight cross country course. I see what's ahead and I see what's behind and I know this turn and that without looking. Not that I don't mind these things. Singing is easy when you know the words. Air-guitaring is simple when you know the exact rhythm. Dancing is perfect when the beats are ingrained into your brain cells. And no hills or turns or roots or jumps makes for a perfect cross country course.
It's just too easy.