Wednesday, July 22, 2009

These are times when I wish I could run away; wish I had the gall and the courage. Times when I feel everyone around me is simply ignoring my sorrow, or perhaps I really am that great of an actress. In short, nothing truly is plaguing my soul except the lonesomeness I cannot escape. I feel confined within this home and within this body. I wish I were somewhere else, was someone else. I feel so weak, admitting to this fault of mine, but it's my true feelings and it seems ridiculous to mask these, especially to people who read my blog but otherwise know little of me - with the exception of my friend Cass. I feel like shit, that's all I can say. My life has been diminished to a room, although this is, of course, my own choice. I've spent my summer days watching Gilmore Girls, until I ran out of episodes that I had on DVD, then I turned to online episodes of InuYasha (I found a great free online anime provider). I feel pathetic. I feel lonely. It doesn't matter that I can text people all day if I so choose, it's the fact that that's all I do. Three times today I nearly got in my car and drive away, a crime only because I have yet to possess a license of my own. I just need to get out of this TOWN. I feel so trapped!!!! I'll go with anyone just to leave, even if they're just going to the grocery store or to Target or Home Depot. I - I just want to be with other people.

But I guess I'm so pathetic even my so-called 'best friend' turns a cold shoulder to me.


MaximumCapacity said...

Well, well. I didn't know anyone else felt the way I did. I guess it's a teenage thing....actually, I'm hoping with all my heart it's a teenage thing. Because all I'm hanging onto is the hope that eventually I won't feel this way, and someday, I will grow out of it. I have to hope it will be better someday.

*((Strong like an Amazon))*

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that everyone feels like this at some point. I hate to even spill the words that the enemy is feeding off your feelings. I think he is messing with your mind. Your not pathetic. Your are one of the most wonderful people i know. You have a beautiful soul and a heart that is so caring I can't even compute it. Know that you are not alone in this, and if you need anything I will FOREVER BE HERE!!!!! I am not leaving you ever! I'm sure you can guess who this is.